Last night, Operation Gleeker went into full effect.
Brace yourselves. There is nothing normal about this post, or my actions.
After my last class of the semester (Alleluia and a big thank you to Jesus and Lea Michele...equally) a bunch of people from my class decided to go out and get some drinks in downtown Phoenix.
Downtown Phoenix.
Where Lea Michele and Dianna Agron and Naya Rivera and Heather Morris are currently abiding.
How convenient.
Was the universe sending me a signal?
I'd like to think yes. Yes, it was.
So, I went to the bar to celebrate (because I never turn down a good drink), and had Kelsey meet me downtown to commence our stalking.
Yes, Kels came with me. Mostly because she loves me... but also because I need someone to hold the camera while I fondle Naya.
Anyway, as Kelsey and I were getting ready to begin our Glee-venture, we picked up another creeper to join us in our crusade... we'll call her LaVonda to protect her identity.
As Kels and I were leaving, I told LaVonda that I would call her with any Glee updates, to which she said "hell no, I'm coming!!"
This is why we're friends.
Once the three of us bid adieu to the other MBA nerds, we made our way over to the Hyatt.
"Megan, how did you know the cast was at the Hyatt?"
Excellent question.
The answer is creepy. I "follow" each of the Glee cast members on Twitter, and currently have all of their tweets being forwarded to my phone.
"That's not too bad, Meg! We already knew that..."
Correct. You did know that. But did you know that I dissected the pictures and videos they have been posting since they landed to pinpoint their location within the city?
Yeah, I told you it was creepy.
Now stop asking me questions and let me tell my story, bitch.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, we walked over to the Hyatt. Once we arrived, I did a quick scan of the lobby and didn't see any of the Glast (Glee + cast... keep up). So, I suggested we go to the top floor, which is a lovely restaurant called "The Compass Room." Once we got to the top, Kelsey announced that she "had to pee" and ran to the nearest restroom...which left LaVonda and I standing awkwardly near the hostess stand, but also kind of near a lounge area... just floating in the in-between. We both took out our phones to look busy, and spoke in whispers to each other to figure out what the HELL to do.
See, we knew that the night before the Glast all went to dinner at The Compass Room. So we definitely wanted to go inside and look around.
Let me explain this restaurant to you.
It's in the shape of a donut.
You start in the middle, and the actual donut is the restaurant all around you. So, you can't see any of the tables when you're in the lobby area.
Here's a picture of the outside:
So basically, we were trapped in the inner-circle of the donut when Lea was somewhere in the sprinkle zone.
We had to find a way inside.
Finally, after a few moments of standing awkwardly in the lobby area, and being stared at by the hostess, a gentleman came over and asked, "Is there anything I can do for you ladies?"
LaVonda and I looked at each other, and then at our phones.
LaVonda: "Yeah, actually we're supposed to be meeting some friends here for drinks..."
Me: "Annnnnd, we're having trouble getting in touch with them..."
LaVonda: "Sooooo, would it be possible to just go inside and look around for them?"
<< Long pause in which I was breathing a little too heavily >>
Manager Dude: "Sure, ladies! No problem!!"
...I had to fight the urge to clap.
LaVonda and I walked in slow motion as we made our way around the donut, looking for any members of the cast.
Just when I was giving up hope, and we were returning to the entrance to the donut, I looked to my right and saw someone that STRONGLY resembled Puck. Here's what I saw:
However, before I could do a double take, the manager dude was in front of us, asking if we had found our party.
LaVonda and I said that we had no such luck, and that we would try to contact them again in the lobby area.
We took out our phones, once again, and began speaking in whispers.
Me: Did you see that guy?!
LaVonda: Oh my God, YES! He TOTALLY looked like Puck! BUT he was with a family...why would he be with his family?!
Me: Well, if my son was going on tour for the first time, I might be willing to make a pilgrimage to Phoenix to see his first show...
LaVonda: That TOTALLY makes sense!!
Me: Okay, what are we going to do?!
LaVonda: We need to get in there!!!!!
Before I could react, LaVonda was in motion. She made her way over to the hostess stand and asked if it would be possible to sit at the bar while we waited for our friends to arrive...
(For those of you that are astute and wondering "where the hell is kelsey?!" and "how big of a shit could she have taken?"... the answer is: this all happened very quickly, she probably did poop, AND it was at this point in the story that she re-joined LaVonda and me.)
The manager dude then turned to LaVonda and said: "Well, we don't have a bar, but we can seat you at a table if you'd like, while you wait..."
LaVonda then made her way past the hostess stand and said "Yes, we'd like to sit right THERE if that's possible" (pointing to the table next to Puck).
"Ummmmm, sure, no problem!"
And there we were.
Approaching Puck and his sexy man arms in the giant donut.
I tried not to look at him as we were walking, because I was sure my mind would short circuit and I would forget how to walk.
Upon arriving at our table, the manager dude asked for one of our names to write down (I don't know why, but I assumed it was for the police report he was going to have to file later).
LaVonda looked up and said, "Megan."
Thanks a lot, bitch.
I'll see you in cell block eight.
The manager dude then took out a card, scribbled my name on it with the number "3" and walked away, telling us our server would be right over.
Once we sat, I was gaining the courage to look over to Puck's table, grabbing Kelsey's knee for dear life, when I glanced at LaVonda, who shook her head "no." My heart sank. My soul shattered. I exhaled for the first time in three minutes.
Then, panic set in.
We're in a fancy restaurant under the false pretense that our "friends" are coming to meet us, and a server was on her way... and Puck wasn't even sitting next to us.
I then told LaVonda to get ready to call me from her phone, but to then put it in her purse. Once a server was in the vicinity, she would hit "send" causing my phone to light up... I would answer it, and then have a fake conversation with the dumb bitches that told us to go to the wrong restaurant.
Seriously, what assholes.
After one false alarm, we saw a waitress approaching and LaVonda hit "send" causing my phone to light up. I picked up and it went a little something like this:
Me (to no one): "Heyy! Where the hell are you guys?!" .......... "We're at the compass bar... we've been here for like 15 minutes!"
Kelsey: "Where the hell are they?!?!?!"
Me: "Where are you guys?!?!"
LaVonda: They're such dumb bitches!
Me: "Hahaha, LaVonda is pissed...when are you guys going to be here?? ........ What?! You're WHERE?!"
Kelsey: "Oh my God, are they at a different bar?!"
LaVonda: "Idiots!"
Me: "Well where the hell is that?! .......... Okay, so are we coming to you, or are you coming to us?!"
Kelsey: "Are you kidding me?!"
Me: "Okay, fine... we're on our way...we'll be there in 10. You're buying us drinks."
Click.
Now, lets keep in mind that all of Kelsey's and LaVonda's comments were COMPLETELY unexpected... so I was fighting the urge not to hysterically laugh every time they pretended to be pissed at our imaginary friends.
It.
Was.
Awesome.
Once I hung up, we continued to talk about what idiots our friends were and made our way out of the restaurant.
Note: LaVonda tipped our waitress for having to even put up with our shenannigans.
See?
We're NICE stalkers.
After that (yes, there's more), we got in the elevator and we went to the top floor of the hotel where all the fancy rooms are. We looked at the view of Phoenix from high above, which was lovely, but then LaVonda and Kelsey were ready to peace out.
OH HELL NO.
After they pushed the elevator button, I kind of went around the corner and started walking up and down the halls, and would freeze intermittently to see if I could hear "Rain on my Parade" being sung.
No such luck.
Then I was tempted to scream "DIANNAAAAAAAA!" just to see what would happen... but then I remembered that the manager dude from upstairs had my name, and that security was probably already on their way after seeing me lurking through the halls.
We got back in the elevator.
On the way down, I thought one of the creators of Glee stepped on board. I couldn't be sure, but he resembled a dude I saw in some interview.
So, naturally, when we got to the ground floor, I followed him.
Sadly, he looked at a schedule for some business conference and then went to the front desk.
Dammit.
Another false lead.
In our FINAL attempt, we made our way across the street to the Sheraton... the other possible hotel the Glast was staying at.
We walked slowly through the lobby and made our way into the bar, where we were faced with the similar problem of actually getting IN to the restaurant.
However, at this point, we were old pros.
"Can I help you ladies?"
"We're here to meet some friends, but can't seem to get in touch with them, can we go inside to look around?"
"Sure! No problem!"
Security at hotels = awesome for stalkers.
We looked around, went through the bar area, and had no luck... but then, in the distance, like an oasis in the sandy desert of Phoenix, was a table of semi-young people sitting outside chatting and laughing.
We made our way outside the hotel, walked over to where they were, and I peaked through the shrubs to see if it was them.
Not.
Them.
F bomb.
After these disappointments, we decided to call it a night.
On the way back to the car, I kept my eyes open in case any of the glast got the urge for a midnight snack... but saw no one.
Kels and I made our way home, and as we were getting ready to go to sleep, I asked her to quickly sign onto Twitter to see if any of the Glast had tweeted anything... it was weird that I had not gotten one tweet to my phone all night...
We looked, and sure enough, no one posted.
I climbed into bed, got comfortable, and my phone buzzed.
It was Harry Shum, announcing that he was going to a Sushi place right near the hotels.
FML.
Tonight: Round 2 occurs. And I'm even more prepared than last night.
Get excited.
This time tomorrow I should be posting a picture here of me fondling Naya Rivera, taken by a very pissed off Kelsey.
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