Yesterday, as I was leaving my office to go to Happy Hour, I happened to look down at the tiled ground beneath me and saw something "borderline amazing:"
Yes, ladies and gentleman, that is a THONG lying in the middle of the hallway. I'll give you a second to absorb the awesomeness.
..........
Now, I have a few questions regarding this:
1. Where did it come from?
2. Do I work with a slut?
3. Who is the slut?
4. Did it come from a different office?
5. What office has THAT kind of happy hour?
6. How do I get hired at THAT office?
7. Does it belong to someone hott? (God, I hope so...what a waste)
8. Did they just fall off and she didn't notice because she recently lost a lot of weight and/or got gastric bypass?
9. Do people carry extra underwear with them at all times?
10. Am I supposed to have extra underwear in my purse?
Any answers to the above questions would be appreciated.
God? That means you.
Give me guidance.
Also too, I would like to leave you with this image...
Picture it, Sicily, 1943...
Me, walking out of my office all alone, and looking down to see a thong. A smile slowly spreads across my face, and I'm soon smiling ear to ear as I begin to giggle. I then say "are you fucking kidding me?!" to no one in particular. I look around, to try to share this moment and its insanity with anyone - a colleague, a passer-by... anyone. No one is there... so I just stare at it and continue to giggle with my jaw on the ground.
Then, I get an idea. "HOLY HELL, I NEED TO BLOG ABOUT THIS!"
I sneakily look around to make sure no one has approached me in the last 7.3 seconds, and take out my camera-phone. Even me, in all of my creepiness, would care if someone found me taking a picture of a thong on the floor... I do have (very low) standards.
I then snap a picture, turn around, and skip merrily down the hallway.
----- Back to present.-----
Please, sing along if you've watched American Idol this season:
Thong on the ground, thong on the ground, looking like a hoe with your thong on the ground...
One time, I went into a restaurant to place an order. On my way back to my car to wait until it was ready, I saw a thong on the ground. I thought many of the same things you did sans camera- phone. I walked back in, passing it again and realized it looked a lot like the one I had on last time I wore the pants I had on. Walked past in again and nudged it with my shoe, it was mine. It came out my pant leg because I took the pants and the panties off in one motion the night before. I was ashamed, embarassed and sad. I really liked that pair but not enough to pick them up off the sidewalk and have someone see me stuff them in my pocket. I left them there. So maybe it wasn't a slut party!
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